"Empathy ~ The one word they forget to teach in business school"
Dear Bank of Prairie Village Community~
Remember the old Dustin Hoffman movie “The Graduate” (with the theme song, “Here’s to you Mrs. Robinson?”) This once shockingly controversial movie was memorable for a variety of reasons.
However, the scene most memorable to me had nothing to do with the sultry and oh so seductive Mrs. Robinson (Anne Bancroft).
Rather it was when the businessman, “Mr. Maguire” approached newly graduated Dustin Hoffman at his reception. In a conspiratorial tone, Mr. Maguire stated “I have just one word for you young man—Plastics.”
Since witnessing that scene, I have always fantasized that there might be a single word like “Plastics”~ that if diligently pursued could prove the key to business success. (I can hear what you are saying—I need better fantasies. What can I say—I have issues.)
Recently I was asked to speak to a group of young business graduates. Preparing my presentation, I remembered Dustin Hoffman, and The Graduate.
After getting Anne Bancroft visions out of my head, I tried thinking of a single all-encompassing word such a “Plastics” ~ which would permanently stick in the young graduates’ brains~ enabling them to understand and achieve business success.
I realized such words as, Berkshire Hatheway, Microsoft, Investment Banking, Apple, Hostile Takeovers, Leverage Buyouts, Subprime Mortgages, Private Equity, Green New Deals, SaaS, Tax Credits and even Private Lending, have become passe.
Moreover, words like Nivida, Bitcoin, Stable Coin, Crypto and Artificial Intelligence are, at least in my mind “still in definition.”
Out of left field and with no apparent mental reasoning I voiced aloud the word “Empathy.”
Frankly, it surprised me. Why in the world had I blurted empathy over the old standards of drive, determination, ambition, organization, discipline or deferred gratification?
Sometimes it is better just to go with your gut and then work backward as to one’s reasoning. Empathy was the word I blurted– but why?
Empathy is the ability to understand how and why someone feels the way they do. It does not mean you have to feel the same way or even agree with someone else’s feelings. It just means you just have to recognize and understand their feelings.
Despite, all its hoopla, Artificial Intelligence (AI) is unlikely to full grasp this “people aspect” of business. Intelligence is rational. People are not.
Can even the most intelligent computer learning program fully understand someone’s hopes, dreams, fears and aspirations? Will it be able to explain what makes someone “tick” or what truly motivates them?
For that matter, will it be able to see into someone’s eyes, manners and body language, and assess their commitment to the old standards of drive, determination, ambition, organization, discipline and deferred gratification?
One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from President John F. Kennedy. (It is not one of JFK’s famous inspirational quotes carved into buildings.) Rather it was in frustration summarizing the Bay of Pigs Cuban Invasion Disaster when President Kennedy told his staff, “I can’t believe I was so foolish as to listen to all the experts.”
Yes, there are a variety of personality tests categorizing people. Perhaps with artificial intelligence these personality tests will become even more effective.
However, if these tests really work, why don’t schools simply test people and put them into their proper professions or trades? Why don’t corporations do the same?
There is perhaps no more rationalized process of identifying future talent and success than in college and professional athletics. However, despite all this, why was the San Francisco Super Bowl quarterback Brock Purdy, selected last in the draft? Why was Tom Brady not selected in the first five rounds? What did the experts miss?
Why did two of Kansas State’s NFL Alumni come from the same rural high school 20 miles from campus and simply walk on to the K-State Team? Why do unrecruited college walk-on players end up in the NFL draft every year? Why do undrafted players end up starting on championship teams?
Why do college dropouts or high school only graduates build and sell their companies for millions of dollars? Did their counselors recognize their ambition?
If you are not insatiably curious as to what makes those with whom you interact “tick”- then you should not be in business. Moreover, “the tick factor” differs from person to person. To understand what makes people “tick” you must have empathy.
Empathy requires constantly seeking to understand each individual’s hopes, dreams, fears and desires. Like a foreign language, handwriting, spelling, good manners or any other useful skill, the only way to improve one’s empathy is to consistently practice on a determined daily basis.
Why is scouting what makes an opponent “tick” so important in athletic and military endeavors- but so often overlooked in business? Why would you not want to know everything appropriate about what motivates the very clients, prospects, partners, suppliers and associates on which you depend?
The famous 1st century BC Chinese military strategist, Sun Tzu, proclaimed— “Know yourself and know your enemy and you will never be defeated in a thousand battles.”
In business there are no enemies or opposing armies. Even the largest organization consists primarily of individuals striving for common purpose.
Everyone has the potential to assist or suppress your success to some degree or another. For example, I frequently see stranded passengers screaming at airline ticket agents— who in fact can either get them on or prevent them from getting on the next available airplane. Why would someone abuse the one individual that literally can make or break their day? (Empathize with that ticket agent and I can assure you he or she will do their very best to help you in any way they can.)
Extending Tzu’s insight from war to business requires that “you must know yourself and strive to the greatest extent possible to know the feelings of everyone with whom you interact.” This includes not just clients, associates, and prospects, but the delivery people, cleaning crews, IT guys, landscapers, vendors and parking lot attendants.
In short, you need to be able to empathize with the thousand and one people who enable you to perform. (As we learned in law school the best written appellate brief is of little value if you overlook the cooperation of the printer, courier, security guard or clerk on whom you depend to get your brief filed at the courthouse on time.)
Most people assume everyone wants to be treated and motivated in the same manner you want or expect to be treated. This is not true. Everyone is unique. You must understand the individual before you can presume knowing what he or she wants or how they expect to be treated. Thus, in business to master the Golden Rule you first must master the discipline of empathy.
Empathy is not as catchy of phrase as “plastics” – but to the young business graduate I can think of no better single word on which to build a successful career.
“Here’s to you Mrs. Robinson” ~ and to the empathy necessary to really enjoy the coming Summer Season!
Dan Bolen ~ Chairman
Bank of Prairie Village
913~707~3369 Cell
“The Bank of Prairie Village ~ Home of Blue Lion Banking” ~ cited March 2020, April 2021, April 2022, April 2023 and April 2024 by the by the Kansas City Business Journal as one of the “Safest Banks in Kansas City for Your Money.”
Small Batch Banking ~ Once Client at a Time.
