“The Difference between an Adventure and an Ordeal is Attitude!”
Dear Bank of Prairie Village Shareholders and Clients ~
Recently we held a 90th Birthday Party for my father Pat Bolen at the Salina Country Club, where I think my folks have been ancient members since like 1963.
I sent invitations out to their friends with the question ~ “How do you celebrate the 90th Birthday of a Self-Proclaimed Unspoiled Only Child?”
My answer to this rhetorical question was simply ~ “You throw a very festive and fun Birthday Party in His Honor ~ and don’t tell him he is paying for it!”
Perhaps, the genesis for this party began a year ago when Dad had yet another of his major broken hip falls and went into one of his usual “the world and gods are against me” modes. This happens often with Dad as he takes every KU Football and Basketball game loss as a personal rebuke, by the Football and Basketball gods, to his self-esteem.
The family then and there made a plan to put him on a workout rehabilitation regime ~ which of course Dad vigorously resisted ~ after all he is an unspoiled only child and is used to getting exactly what he wants.
I must admit there was some “sweet pay-back” as his round the clock care team ~ commenced his workout routine. Let me explain. Growing up Dad served as one of those “parent coaches” to me in swimming and to my brother in tennis. Yes, he was one of those parent coaches that always thought training should be 24/7 year-round, and that any two-hour practice session just needed an additional 30 more minutes to achieve perfection. Yes, every practice ended with the additional 30 minutes of perfection drills.
How did Dad achieve such mind control over his two sons that they never questioned the sanity of his workouts? Easy ~ Dad controlled our TV time. As my brother and I were addicted to such classic 60s and 70s TV shows, like Bonanza, Gunsmoke, Gilligan’s Island, Hogan’s Heros, Green Acres, Andy Griffith, and of course the Sunday Disney Hour, Dad’s ability to cut off the television made us complete disciples of his athletic discipline. We never even thought of pushing back and losing TV privileges.
“Sweet Pay Back.” When presented with his rehab workout schedule and new get-back-into-shape diet ~ Dad did what he always does ~ he simply announced he was 89 years old, formally 6’3” in height and weighing in at 225 ~ and no number of Certified Nursing Assistants ~ could make him do what he did not want to do.
With that, he pushed himself deep in his easy chair and switched on a ball game. Dad made one fatal mistake belying his age. He slammed the TV remote down on the table next to his easy chair.
It took Dad a second before he realized his mistake. As he saw me spring to the chair, Dad’s once famous catlike reflexes ~ that over the years won him State Handball Championships, had slowed. As we both grabbed the TV remote, my youth ~ for the first time ever ~ enabled me to secure it before he realized my intent.
As pay back I calmly shut off the TV and told Dad, he would regain his TV privileges once he got with the rehab workout program and stop demanding chocolate cookies and Coca Cola for lunch.
Dad’s thunderous roar of discontent, I am sure, was heard by all the neighbors. Although initially pausing at the racket he was making, I calculated said neighbors, who all knew my Dad’s stubborn ways well ~ would not call the police and simply assume I was engaging in a justifiable and mercy-inspired patricide.
I quickly ushered my 89-year-old mother into the car, and left Dad in his home of 60 years without the TV remote ~ Knowing 1) Dad would never be able to figure out how to manually turn the TV on, and 2) the Cable company would assume they were simply dealing with a raving madman if he could find their number in his beloved phone books he keeps by his desk. I also calculated neither the Salina Police and Fire Departments nor the local Ambulance crew would respond to Dad’s 911 calls that his son had turned off his TV and walked out with the remote.
With Mom in the Car, I suggested we go for a long drive around the city of Salina and then go by the Malt shop. On the way to the Malt shop, Mom came up with the great idea we should get Dad an extra thick Malt with a shot of protein powder, which we would bribe him to calm down when he returned. I did buy Mom some sound drowning Bose Headphones ~ so her nerves would not be fried as Dad complained about how we were killing him with workouts.
An Hour and a Half later we returned to a “somewhat” humbled man. Dad apparently realized that he could not sleep with his TV remote all night and could not hold it all Day. To sort of quote JFK, Dad slowly was beginning to realize the TV Privileges Remote Control “Torch was passing to the next Generation!”
I would like to say the TV Remote showdown was the complete turning point, but as Dad’s faithful and round-the-clock assistants would attest, there were many starts and stops to Dad’s fidelity to his workout regimen ~ With the need for many cameo appearances by his “cold hearted son,” who reminded Pat Bolen of all his numerous retorts to his sons when they attempted to give their Dad poor workout performance excuses. Unfortunately for Dad, he had drilled all his “anti-excuse” quips so well into his sons’ heads I could recite them back to him as fast and as accurately as if saying the Rosary.
The good news is by April of this year, Dad had finally bought into the workouts, diets and supplements. Hence plans were made for a grand 90th birthday bash in his honor. Again, Dad made a mistake, and did not set a budget. Dad was thinking about 20 would show up, and gave me permission to throw a “nice party for his few surviving friends and any family that wanted to come to Salina.” He did not set a budget, nor did he think he might have more than a few surviving friends left.
Marching into the Country Club, Dad started to turn to the small private dining room ~ only to become wide eyed when he realized the entire Club Main Ballroom was festooned in his honor and 200 hungry and thirsty friends were in attendance.
The Salina Bishop gave Dad a combination “blessing” and a “confession credit for the past year.” (I was especially appreciative of the Bishop’s confession credit, given what his round the clock rehab staff had to endure.)
Now I have been to a great many weddings, but this was the first 90-year-old Birthday party I’ve attended. Perhaps Salina has good water and clean living ~ but a great many 90-year-old plus friends were in attendance not to mention numerous 80-year-olds. In some cases, those unable to attend sent their children or grandchildren to represent them.
To my surprise as I was greeting at the door, I realized I was getting a real lesson in positive thinking. I knew almost everyone who was coming through the door. I knew their families and their histories. Almost everyone coming through the door who had lived more than 8 decades had suffered the inevitable family losses of spouses, children, grandchildren or health issues that I knew, at one point or another, had set them back emotionally and physically ~ at least for a period of time. I am sure they all carry those losses with them, but as they walked in, each had a smile and almost carried a sense of joy that they were surrounded by generations of good friends.
None had the brooding haggard look of teenagers or that so many young people project today, acting as if the world is against them. By contrast, they all looked excited and happy just to spend an afternoon in merriment. If being positive in life requires one to be grateful and appreciative of the blessing bestowed on them, this group of Dad and Mom’s friends epitomized this. They were immaculately dressed and coifed as if they were going to a Presidential State Dinner.
It was at this point that it hit me. At age 80 and 90 I want to be like them. They were simply having fun, loving, talkative and full of camaraderie. These are people you want to be around in social settings! It also hit me that if I wanted to emulate them, I should study them. Without question they were all self-deprecating, but positive and confident in themselves. They knew their limitations but were not going to let their limitations define them. They all had their little “workarounds” to make up for bad hearing, poor eyesight, stiff legs, etc. But each affected what they wanted or needed in an endearing way.
While contemplating the positivity of the group as a whole, and comparing them to KU Basketball crowds when time is running out and the slow realization dawns on everyone “The boys aren’t going to come back” ~ I realized this is a group that is playing their hearts out clear to the buzzer. They are not walking out on the team before the end of the game.
To my utter surprise ~ Dad announced that he was 90 and in ten years he and everyone there would likely be 100 years old. Dad then announced his 100th birthday was going to be even grander! Thinking back to a year ago when Dad and I had our TV Remote control war, I realized his rehab staff, with the help of his positive friends had even converted Dad into being a positive person.
That evening as I was reviewing the book everyone signed wishing Dad the best, I notice in scrawled handwriting by a 90 ~ year old the comment ~ “Remember Pat Bolen- the Difference between an Adventure and an Ordeal is Attitude!”
I made a note to myself ~ that Attitude is what is required to be the type of 90-year-old people want to be around and whom we want to grow into!
As we go into the full Summer, and as we transgress the decades of our lives, let’s remember to carry that Attitude of Adventure with us. See you at Dad’s 100th Birthday Party.
Dan Bolen ~ Chairman
Bank of Prairie Village
“The Bank of Prairie Village ~ Home of Blue Lion Banking” ~ cited March 2020, April 2021, April 2022, April 2023 and April 2024 by the by the Kansas City Business Journal as one of the “Safest Banks in Kansas City for Your Money.”
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